Visiting a New Country Without Even Leaving Home

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It started with the cab driver complaining about how hard and impossible it would be to take me to AT&T Park. “Oh, my friend,” the Indian cab driver complained, just like the ones in India do, “there is simply no way for me to be getting you there. It is like parking lot.” He acted as if I’d jumped into his car and announced I was going to perform a root canal on him.

I got out of the cab when he pulled over to the side of the road and just sat there. It was certainly possible that the car traffic to the park would be lousy. It made sense. It was only as my friend Dave and I started walking down second street, and saw how thin traffic was, that we knew for certain that the cab driver had fooled us.

I walked along, through SOMA, a neighborhood I don’t spend a lot of time in; mainly because it’s “hip” and “trendy” –meaning it’s neither of those things– and because the people who inhabit the area tend to take the typical San Francisco nerdiness to even loftier heights. I saw many Walt Disney and Star Wars characters proudly on display on backpacks and t-shirts as computer geeks made their way up and down the streets. Even the language was different. Most of the people I heard talking seemed limited to only a few words, “like” and “totally” being the most prominent. They spoke on their phones or stared down at them. In SOMA, more than any other neighborhood, the zombie-fication of the populace is pronounced.

It was like walking through a different city. Even the weather was different, not as windy and cold, compared to where I lived, a mile away.

We walked to the park and saw a huge line of people waiting to get through security. It was a technology bottleneck, like going to the airport. Only, they weren’t so much looking for weapons as they were looking to make sure you didn’t try to smuggle in food and drinks that were actually affordable.

                                            The Republic of Expensive Beer

Once inside, it’s like a different country. The economy is completely different for one thing, everything is roughly 140% more expensive than in San Francisco. The food is different too. Instead of the organic foodie stuff you find in San Francisco, it was heavy, hugely massive, overpriced, gut bombs. Foot long hotdogs covered in chili and cheese; giant baskets of roasted garlic piled inches high on french fries; rainbow colored cotton candy to turn children into hyperactive imbeciles; ten dollar shot glasses of beer…

People dress differently too. Mostly orange and black. It’s sort of like a little sports oriented Vatican smack in the middle of another city. And, like other types of travel, it can be expensive and exhausting.