Today I flew a brand new airplane operated by Delta. I paid the extra money to sit in what they are calling “Economy Comfort.” I’ve flown it once before on an overseas flight–but I had an exit row seat, so I couldn’t tell how much “extra” legroom they give you. Well, I can now say none. What they’ve done is taken legroom away from those who don’t pay extra. Economy Comfort is not comfortable at all. There’s only “more legroom” in the sense that the new planes have less. Economy Comfort is basically what you used to get for the price of your ticket, only now it’s extra.
The good news is they have a WiFi light, up there with with the Seatbelt and No Smoking lights, which lights up when its safe to go online for ten dollars and read email. Yay! For no one; not really.
As is almost invariably the case (for all of us!) I was seated between two hugely greedy people, at least when it comes to how much physical space they took up. They splayed and squished themselves, almost magnetically, towards one another; it was as if their shared morbid obesity recognized one of their own and sought to communicate about chicken wings and beer. Unfortunately I was in the middle. I could feel their love handles probing into me like sentries of lard seeking a way around an obstacle.
I kept reminding myself not to cede ground. “This is my measly airspace!” I told myself in my head. I must protect it!
As for the Economy part, that makes no sense, because it’s more expensive than Economy. It’s an oxymoron, Economy Comfort, and I bet Delta spent lots of money on consultants to come up with a term for something that doesn’t actually exist.
They do give you a little television to watch though. It was nice to watch Monday Night Football, live, on my own personal television at 30,000 feet. And people did. Not a lot of people reading books up there anymore. Now people watch their gadgets or they watch the airplane’s gadgets; then, when they have to pee, they go stand in line and watch a gadget they take with them to keep them occupied for the twenty seconds it takes for the bathroom–that is to say lavatory–to become available.
The airlines are clearly hoping that by distracting you with gadgets you won’t care that they’re taking away your dignity and comfort; that by allowing you to watch Homeland en route, you won’t notice that the blood is no longer circulating below your sternum and that, indeed, one of your legs has ceased to function at all.
I, for one, think it will work. Gadgets are like air xanax. Put one in front of someone and they won’t even notice if you pull their underwear up over their head.
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