Today the TSA announced that they would allow some knives in carry ons. Yet you still can’t have more than three ounces of mouthwash. Well you can. Just not in the same bottle. You can technically have 333 ounces of mouthwash, so long as they are in 111 3oz containers, but I digress.
I think this is a step in the wrong direction. Being able to keep your shoes on – I think – is more important than being able to carry a knife on the plane. In fact, I think they should take the forks away. I mean, those forks are huge!
(You could easily poke out an eye with that fork. It’s only a few inches away from being a small pitchfork. And a really experienced psycho, or a teenager, could probably still do some damage with the plastic knife. And Jack Bauer could probably saw off a head with the spoon.)
Now that I’m thinking about it, how come people in First Class can be trusted with cutlery, but people in Peasant class can’t? What’s that all about? Not that it matters. It’s not like they offer food anymore. Not really. A can of eight dollar Pringles does not a meal make.
I would be perfectly willing to eat with my hands if I could only not have to take off my shoes – or, for that matter, see someone else’s bare feet – to get on the airplane. There are many many problems with flying on a plane today, but not being able to carry a knife onto the plane isn’t one of them. It’s great for grandfathers who like to whittle, but that’s about it. I see no upside to onboard cutting instruments.
Maybe it’s because of sequestration. Maybe this is just the beginning of completely giving up. Maybe they’ll soon send out quiet news releases announcing they now will allow on those old fashioned bombs that look like cannon balls, so long as they’re small enough to fit in the overhead compartment. Or giant two man tree saws, so long as you pay a surcharge. Or maybe ninjas, provided they show the proper paperwork, will soon be able to bring on their poison-tipped throwing stars and paralysis-inducing blow darts.
I don’t know what’s going on over there at the TSA, but this latest news merely proves what we all know. When we fly, our lives are in the hands of bozos.
